I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
