Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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