Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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