I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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