Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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