Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
