11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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