your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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