why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
