Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
