wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
