Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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