Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
