How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
