Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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