dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
