New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
