Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
