The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
