They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
