I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Pants are for mortals
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
