im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
