ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
