i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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