i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
