I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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