I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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