In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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