I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
