oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
