Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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