I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I cut my penus on the lid.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
