Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
