My sheets look like a crime scene.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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