she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
