Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
