i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
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She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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