god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
