Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Sorry my hands just texted you
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
