i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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