So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
