If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
