This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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