i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
