He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
