yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
