just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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