apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
