i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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