Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
