i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
