definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
