maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
