it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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