It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
