Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
