i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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