i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
