you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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