my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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