why didn't you poke me back
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
