At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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