Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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