So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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