Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
