thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My life is pants optional.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
