If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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