I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
