he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
