OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My pussy is not your playground.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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