So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo