my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way