Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
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Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
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I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.