He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
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When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again