So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
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It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
porn star boner night. come get it.
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I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...