I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.