God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
