i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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