Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
