Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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