I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
