why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
