Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
