What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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