never play flip cup with pint glasses
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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